took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
