I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
