I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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