my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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