her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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