he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
