There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
