The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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