You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
