Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
