Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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