the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
