piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize