You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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