It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
