Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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