I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
