I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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