Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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