woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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