how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
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I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
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There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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