Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
