we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
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