Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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