I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
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I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
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There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.