Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
