Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize