Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
