NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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