Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
