I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
