Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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