My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
