I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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