not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
