I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
