Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
