I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
