I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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