I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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