Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
