I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Terrible idea I love it
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
