How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
