I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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