i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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