I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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