I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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