Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
