They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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