we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
