It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize