I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
