When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
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As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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