i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
