you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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