I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
